Forgiveness

Forgive and forget. It is a familiar saying that rolls off the tongue to pacify another’s anger or use it as a colloquial phrase. Does it have merit for the Christian? Can one forgive and forget? Do the terms contradict or are the concepts mutually exclusive? Must I forget to forgive, or am I able to forget unless I forgive? Is it possible or is it cliché?

Each of us experiences hurt at least once in our lives. Even the posing of the scenario may bring back painful memories of emotional, spiritual, and, yes, even physical wounds. The scars are literal evidence of a life one hoped to put behind them. Believe me, as I write, a torrent of memories come to mind of my misfortunes, both received and afflicted on others. This is to become more aware of our fallacies and show humility, realizing we are far from perfect. How we wish we could undo this or that event, this or that relationship. The reality is we can’t. We cannot rewind the screenplay, but we are each given a most powerful opportunity to at least bring the resolve to our minds.

Each of us can forgive. Yes, it’s easy to say, but more difficult to carry out. I have forgiven each of my assailants until I get a Facebook request. Decline! I’ve forgiven, but not forgotten. I do not write my posts from an easy chair of complacency, with the air of having arrived. No, I live a daily struggle with the themes I write and by sharing them, hope to encourage a fellow pilgrim along the way.

So how does one forget? Well, you don’t forget, at least in my experience. What you end up doing is learning how to cope with the lingering, pervasive memories of hurt. Jesus’s sayings and Paul’s writings are replete with forgiveness themes. The apostle Paul encourages us to replace negative thoughts with positive alternatives. Philippians 4:8 and 2 Corinthians 10:5 portray this, where he counsels us to fortify our minds with things that look heavenward and build our trust in God. Build faith and don’t dwell on the mundane things of life. What results from continued wallowing in the mire of self-pity? By beholding you can become changed if you bask in the atmosphere of grace and embrace forgiveness. For God “is able to do exceeding, abundantly above all that we ask or think, according to the power that worketh in us” (Ephesians 3:20).

Consider the powerful and inspiring testimonies of Corrie Ten Boom in her best-selling account “The Hiding Place” (Ten Boom, 1971) or Elisabeth Elliot’s “Shadow of the Almighty” (Elliot, 1958). For each of them, forgiveness embraces an added dimension that is unachievable. Sometimes “forgive and forget” may not apply if the offense recurs or is occurring. Consider those that have the fortitude to show forgiveness amid a crisis. The families of Christian Aid hostages in Haiti extended forgiveness to the abductors. These families raise the point that forgiveness not only pertains to the transgressors’ salvation, but yours.

Jesus states that if you cannot forgive your brother, how do you expect your Father in heaven to forgive you? How could any discourse on forgiveness finish without Jesus’s counsel to the apostle, Peter? Peter, wanting to score points with Jesus or show himself as nearing perfection, retorted to Jesus’ challenge with his response of seven times. Jesus countered with “seventy times seven” as a numerical expression of as many times as necessary.

The examples are pertinent and stem from the vivid example of Christ, our ultimate role model. Affixed to a cross, Christ had blood oozing from pores and orifices while experiencing not only the agony of physical pain, but the potential eternal separation from His Father. He looked at those who had pierced Him and interceded on their behalf. “Father”, He requested, “forgive them, for they know no what they do”. Amid dying, He paused long enough to offer forgiveness. There is no greater challenge. We seek to live, love, and forgive as Christ did.

The Bible never said it was easy, just possible.